How Can I Stop Telling Myself “I Am Not Enough?”

Sometimes I feel like I am not enough.

Sometimes the old, ongoing inertia wins and I will find that hours of my day have been spent doing “nothing,” by which I mean “nothing that I love, nothing that nourishes me, nothing productive, nothing on my to-do lists, nothing for my spirit.”

That’s when I feel like I am not enough.

During this, there is a type of dissociation that happens, when I experience things from an outside perspective, like watching a movie, or taking notes at a play.  From an outside vantage point, I see the moment(s) when I choose to engage with the inertia, rather than begin a simple task, and from that vantage point, I judge myself.  I am both the person who is succumbing to inertia and also the person who is chiding this choice.

The dissociated self knows that I am enough, but chooses negative reinforcement instead.  The me-that-is-outside-myself is frustrated because I have chosen to continue saying “no” to myself, but even this Me has a language problem.  It will not use loving words with me, or be patient, or kind.  It is frustrated.

I am frustrated.

So I am writing this down, for me, and for the me-that-is-outside-myself:

Be kind.

Be loving.

There are ways to encourage positive choices without invoking guilt and shame.

There is something to be learned from every choice.

To learn is to grow.

I am learning, I am growing, I am enough.

When I choose to engage with inertia, with the denial of growth, I will respond with love.

Love.

Loving myself is something I do daily.

It’s also one of the most difficult things that I do, because along the way I trained myself to believe that I didn’t deserve it, that I wasn’t enough.

I know better, now.

Knowing and doing are two different things, though.

I love myself and I give love to myself and in this moment I am visibly giving myself permission to release the negative reinforcement.

I acknowledge that all things take time.

I acknowledge that I may take steps back in my journey forward.

I acknowledge that I am worthy of the effort.

I am enough.

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2 thoughts on “How Can I Stop Telling Myself “I Am Not Enough?”

  1. Thanks, Laura. I struggle mightily with similar stuff. Coincidentally I dreamt of thinking of writing in blog format again as part of getting through it. Maybe I could subcontract that out to you? Have your people call my people.

    Like

  2. This is so relatable. x

    Liked by 1 person

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